Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
