Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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