His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
