Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
