But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
