he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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