the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
