I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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