my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
