I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
