Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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