final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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