I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
