haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
