Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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