that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
