Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
