Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
