We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
