so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
