i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
