im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
