I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
