he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
as a side note pls kill me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
