I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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