Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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