Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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