i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
