1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
