I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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