So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
be right there i have to get my cape
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
