Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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