He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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