Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
