Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
