I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
