thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
