I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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