it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
