I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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