then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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