It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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