I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
