I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
