So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
