forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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