Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
