I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
