tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And then he peed in my hair
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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