You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
